haha i know ive been a regular at blogging and occupying ppl's friends page with random posts recently. but wtv it is, i just feel the urge to blog even tho it might not be the most important or exciting thing in the world. yeah thats what blogs are for what right. to record daily life. haha online blog is just abt the same as a diary i guess. just not as private.

btw caught mulan today and im so glad it dint disappoint. i really think chinese films are real gd shit when the genre is abt war in the olden days. i think the film itself is beautiful. i really get emotional when it comes to war. because seeing two sides fighting is really painful and both parties suffer. the commoners as well as the soldiers on the battlefield. the movie really speaks abt fillial piety, courage, betrayal, war cannot earn respect from the ppl, patriotism and love for the country. thats why i like chinese films. its pretty meaningful except i cant say abt the fur farms in china and their cruelty to animals. its the total opposite of the values we were taught. ironic isnt it? haha. anw vicki zhao's a really gd actress, not to mention she's so pretty to look at. the other actors were really gorgeous and did their part well too. in all, even tho its quite different from the cartoon version, its so real and the plot just flows so smoothly. i esp liked xiao hu's character.

"dont smile and laugh much"
"why?"
"cause girls laugh like this (grins slightly) heehee. and guys laugh like this (opens mouth wide) HA HA HA HA!"
"oh and make your eyes smaller"
"why?"
"because most guys dont have eyes as big as yours"

it was smth like that but i rmb it cracking me up so much. yall should go catch it, highly recommended. tho i doubt its alr in cinemas..

okay so this week is pretty packed. tmr's seoul garden with a friend i havent seen for pretty long. some catching up would be real fine. plus friday and sat would be just getting into the christmas mood and go visiting even tho i really dont have it at the moment. and anws, festive seasons are the time when relatives ask how you're doing, what you plan to do once you get your o's result and so on so forth. it gets so tiring and annoying to answer it. even tho they might be the sweetest ppl on earth, but i really hate answering such how-have-you-been-doing questions. if i can be sitting in the dining table, eating the same dish as you are, how unfine would i be man.

i rmb how excited i was when i was younger and i always wanted to open the presents up and see whats inside. i'd secretly tear open one present when my parents werent looking, look at it and put the wrapping paper back and stuff it under a few other presents under the christmas tree. hahaha. i dont get excited seeing decorations hung all arnd orchard road. oh and probably seeing the streets with damn bloody lots of ppl isnt helping. really hate the crowds, esp in the mrt.

and and and. results day is coming. im really afraid for it to come. yes, you dont have to be afraid if you have put in effort. but i know i dint put in much so its really freakin me out. i just pray i can get into the affiliated sch or another one which i have in mind. tho affiliation would of course be better. i dont wish for it to come. i cant afford seeing my parents disappointed faces when my results arent so ideal. i cant afford getting into some sch which i dint plan for.

its scary. fear. its been long since i felt it.

i cut my hair and it was probably another big mistake i made. yes you heard it, i regret it. i should have just listened to my mom when she told me to wait till month end to get it done somewhere else. now its effin short i look like a boy. a wth-am-i-doing-in-this-world boy.

okay fine, enough abt all the sad things. this week and last has been wonderfully disastrous. plus being spare-until-cannot-spare at suntec really gets first prize. we end up wiping utensils, plates and wine glasses. it makes me so excited just thinking abt it.

on a better note, i most probably will be getting that stupid job and starting work next week. the job which refuses to take me because im unavailable for fri and sat. im still pissed abt it and when i think of the woman who was asking me all those questions that day and holding my application form in her hands and even if she had on a smiling face which looked to be so kind and nice--i hate her for it. yeah im being a total bitch here but i just cringe whenever i think of that face. that face which smiled and told me she'd call me back agn but never did.

omg i want to watch mulan. girl dresses as boy sounds mighty fine. haha and since its got to do with war, im not gonna pass this up. too bad i think its only available at orchard shaws. bad. any takers?

and anws today i caught up with k and it was good. hope everything goes well for her on sat! ah and btw what made me laugh today was when we were talking and the conversation's topic just got to the whole twilight saga thing, k told me abt how fb had this group which said "why dint the cullens bite bella when she was having her period". Hahahahaha that was really cream of the crop. really makes sense. why could they sense bleeding cuts but not blood which stains her pad. its really ftw.

im tired tired and ive got a mail to reply to and a call to get back to tmr. goodbye and night all.

/edit

happy news is that my mom will be helping me salvage my hair during feb! now that calls for a great big celebration hahaha.

so i decided to snip my hair once agn. i want it super super short, botak also can. haha. i dont know if this is the greatest decision to be made since im kinda in a in-out-mood and maybe i just want to see change. a change i can feel happy abt. but hair.. man, oh, god, no. i might just head down tmr to just meet a friend and get my hair cut. the way i want it to be.

seeing a few pictures with gorgeous hair, i really cant help but want to crop it out and stick it on my head. sigh. thats how random and crazy i sound right now.

yeah im dead bored so that explains the double posting in a day. okay so fine, i admit im far from bored. im just not sure what to do next. yeah im a lost child. somehow i feel my notebook has been dirtied even tho i barely wrote anth in it. ah yes, i wrote smth i want to erase away. the holidays are gg so fast i realized i havent been doing much productive things lately. and it sucks. im really not in the right mood anymore. i better get the pressing things done first. i need to register at the centre. i need to get a watch. i need to get my ass out of the hse to hunt for apparels because apparently my cupboard seems bare. empty. i dont know. it doesnt feel right. knowing that some things slip so easily away pains me. i know i cant be a wimp and just hide behind the screen and wallow in misery. maybe i should get out there and find another one. stand up and try agn. there are always chances for those who try what right. its good to try even tho accepting failure might be damn the hardest thing to do. failure makes a person stronger eh. but my poor heart probably cant take much of it haha.

maybe like what most ppl say "when one door closes, another one opens". maybe it'd keep closing until i find the right one, the perfect one. yeah positive. i should think positive no matter how much i feel right now. dont mind me. im really an emotional wreck recently. small little things just get to me so badly.

part of me just want to enjoy myself now that i have the right to and not give a crapping shit to anth else. but another part of me just want me to go out there and experience hardship instead of having fun everyday. to earn what i can and spend it myself instead of asking my parents to give it to me (haha not that they do even when i ask) but whats better than to just work and get it myself.

i started writing and im glad i have improved so much from last time. not a big improvement, but its good. how is it like to feel suffocated, when you cant have freedom and when things just cant go your way. bad.

today has been one heck of an unforgettable day. im worn out.

The past two days has been rather fulfilling again! :)

At least i got to know someone better and know some other really nice ppl altho some were really rude. i think it showed on my face i was annoyed and was pretty jittery. seriously, how can i chill when i have close to three tables to handle and its all so rushed. and yes, i hate it when ppl tell me to chill. like effin shuddup. the word chill only serves to make me even more fired up. Hahaha.

Today was the first time i did cocktail and it isnt as tiring as what most said. i think its really fun to see ppl want drinks from you and your tray just gets lesser. its most satisfying when ppl give this damn warm smile and say a polite thanks. even having ppl from the dishwashing department smile and tell me a hi really just makes my day. and this chef looks a little like jgs. makes life even better better better!

k so i dont sound like i have any sense left in me. But i dont know, work makes me happy. even tho it can be really scary and tiring and sometimes things just dont go the way i want, it just makes me so so damn happy. Like that feeling of accomplishment is really the sex!

i miss the manager since he has been doing the morn/afternoon shift but im thankful for the captain. he is nice and it makes work a whole lot better. maybe i give him alot of trouble like having difficulty deboning a fish, but him not shouting at me is a plus pt. and agn, i realized, im talking abt work all over agn. last time, it was always abt sch and now, its abt work. sometimes not studying or doing any maths makes me feel stupid. like how am i gg to cope when the new sch, new environment starts next yr? Beats me. lets just leave it for next yr to worry abt huh. hahaha.

anws, all five of us stole neon lights and i was cheated of my yellow light. yeah talk abt dumb. haha. hmm i dont know when i'll be working this agn, but i hope it'd be soon, possibly after christmas is over!

why do i not feel the christmas mood.

I think some things are ridiculous. I feel lazy to start drawing from scratch on a plain white piece. I called them up, will register soon and get my first lesson started next year. I guess work really gets my mind off plenty of things. I love the show im watching at the moment. I changed my dog's name. I plan to head to 313. I feel a little queasy and bloated. I feel fat, again. I dont know what else to do. Ah yes, get another job. Visit and meet some people. I am happy i got a small notebook to carry arnd. I love the fact i carry more than just my phone and wallet when im out now. Random yes. Hmm. I want to read even more. And i want to go there and here. I dont want results day to come so soon. Christmas is coming and i dint even realize it until my aunt called me yesterday. How come i dont seem to get any joy out of all the festivals.

Dont ask me why my blog posts are starting to get very boring. Haha maybe its just me.

Buh-bye.

i was just searching youtube for random things to watch when i rmb smth abt my dream last night. i forgot what it really was abt. i forgot what sparked the whole incident. but i rmb how angry, how hurt, how frustrated i felt.

We fought. And it scares me.

Now i realized how hard it is to earn money. to be the sole breadwinner must be even harder. scrolling thru friends page and i can practically see most of the posts talking abt jobs, work and how they gotta deal with it all. i plan to hold two jobs, if i can get this other one. rather learn smth more, make my day pass with more meaning and even get money in the meantime than slack the days away waiting for the results.. and i just rmb i have yet to call the course for more details. i should make a mental note to do it tmr. and if i get the job at pasir ris, volunteering at the shelter would make it easier. i love making my days pack. the feeling of achievement at the end of the day is just so wonderful. yeah, there's really nothing much i do at the moment except read, surf the internet, work and find even more work and just go with the flow. again, im a boring person. haha. but boring is better than getting into trouble and mess. altho it'd be fun, but i guess it makes me tired always getting punished and glared at. time for change. at times, this whole routine makes me feel so relaxed. and at other times, it makes me feel so unsure abt whats gg to happen next.

makes no sense. hmm so wtv that rolls your juicy pie.

anws today is another relaxed day. i feel healthy sleeping early, waking early and eating meals on time. i should start adding exercise into my day soon. Hahaha.

its alr dec. really fast. sch for everyone is starting soon. how is it that time flies so fast when i have no wish to continue growing older. To be older means having to take up even more responsibilities. i feel like getting a haircut. and a visit to the dentist which is near impossible. yeah probably when ive worked my butt out for another 30 days, i could go then.

Tmr will be job applying and tues is back to more scary work. hope for the best.

it's been a long time since i last logged in here to make a proper update and i am sad to say i don't feel happy updating this space anymore. this feels more like a place for me to pour out all the shit in me rather than a place for me to share my joy and happiness. in anyway, work has been killing me bit by bit as each day passes and i am really feeling so tired from having to get up at 7 in the morning and stand til 4 in the afternoon. seriously, why did i even have the thought that working life would be good because it's far from good, really far. thank God it's a 5-day work week kinda thing or else i probably wouldn't even survive. i know this may sound like i'm exaggerating but you don't know how many things i need to do and the kind of shit i have to put up with just to earn that freaking $5.50/hour. i'm thinking of quitting right after christmas but quitting=no money and being broke sucks so i guess i have to stick around with this job for another month or two and not have a life because i would be half-dead the time i reach home each day.

on a happy note, the girls are back from perth and i get to hear and see them, feels like it's been such a long time since i last saw them altogether. to add on, alot have been happening, good things at least and it feels good knowing that no matter how bad work is, at the end of the week, yeah, i need not say more i guess. hahahah.

i met winnie and some idiot just now and winnie, i feel really happy to see you with all smiles all over your face, and it's been long since we last sat down and do nothing except updating each other on what's been happening. i love dates with you because you always end it with a call to check if i have reached home safely, thank God for having someone so dear like you and thank you for tonight babe.

alright, it's 2 in the morning and i am really tired and i need to get up early tomorrow so i'll be back when i'm back, nightz!

thank you for every night (L)

Work has been hell of a ride. Real scary. because friday was bad with a bad captain, bad bloated stomach, bad environment to be in, bad M-sized jacket, bad heels but good company.

saturday was better with a better captain, better stomach, better environment to be in, better S-sized jacket, better shoes and damn good company with a nice helpful manager.

It really makes me mad that such a nice person like him gets scolding in front of other people from peanuts who think they're oh-so-mighty. he doesnt deserve it.

there's so much i hate abt it. just the deboning of the effin fish and cutting a whole chicken can drive me crazy. soon enough, i cant use the "first-timer" excuse for anth i did wrong and it sucks. It already sucks actually. i cant hold a serving gear properly. the plates are so heavy, waiting outside for the first course to start is an absolute killer. almost everything abt it really scares me to the max. but in a way, it can be pretty fun. Maybe with the right people in the team, it makes all of it a whole lot better. and the fact i will have additional 100 bucks plus in my bank account makes it a whole lot lot better. Haha.

lets just pray pray pray that tues will go smoothly, altho i doubt it will this time..

Im tired. Have a gdnight :)